Sometimes work is such a huge roller-coaster.
This week really has been quite good on the whole – finally some decent sales have begun to surface, and what’s more, a massive sale that I get to take off a Telstra dealer, which I am mighty excited about (they’re my competition, you see). So that has generally made me a lot more relaxed knowing that for the first time in 3 months, I might actually make my target across the board. Still praying and doing everything possible to make sure they finalise though.
But in the midst of the overall goodness, I just have days like today that I just feel so very, very frustrated, and almost abused. The sales world really is a horribly selfish place most of the time, and in a lot of ways, such an unloving, ungodly place. I just felt like every customer’s problem was incredibly important, and that when I couldn’t completely solve it, they felt and expressed a lot of frustration. And then when people just come and dump phones or accessories on my desk and say, “oh, this is wrong, you need to take it back,” even though it’s been opened, and it’s wrong cos the customer changed their mind.
If I’m lucky, a typical day only involves a little bit of the above; enough for me to handle. But today just seemed to be an extra high dose. And then, as seems to be becoming a Thursday arvo tradition, getting called into a last minute meeting, which throws my afternoon out. Unfortunately, I’m not really in a position to say no. It just means that the work I had planned for Thursday arvo now needs to get done early tomorrow morning so that my Friday isn’t thrown completely out as well.
So there’s the frustrations and bad day, inamongst the general not-so-bad-ness of work at the moment. It makes sense in my head – the being content at work, but being very frustrated at the same time. But it’s hard to explain to anyone. And sometimes I feel weird and strange cos I constantly change emotions and I go from being happy and calm and enjoying work, to loathing it in the space of 12 and a half minutes.
But I am understood.
Sometimes it’s embarrassing to talk to you,
To hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through this version of myself I try to hide behind.
I’ll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified.
And sometimes I’m so thankful for your loyalty.
Your love, regardless of the mistakes I make, will spoil me.
My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you’ve given me.
And I’m satisfied to realise you’re all I’ll ever need.
And sometimes I spend my time just trying to escape.
I work so hard, so desperately, in an attempt to create space,
Cos I want distance from the utmost important thing I know.
I see your love, then turn my back, and beg for you to go.
You looked into my life and never stopped.
And you’re thinking all my thoughts are so simple,
But so beautiful.
And you recite my words right back to me before I even speak.
You let me know I am understood.
[relient k - i am understood?]