God is good

I’m really enjoying the new Relient K album. The first 13 tracks are all original, and they have a very ‘country’ feel to them. Still quite punky at times, but the country flavour makes it very different indeed. The rest of the tracks are all b-sides and acoustic versions. Quite cool as well. But I am greatly enjoying the new sounds.

Yesterday was quite the busy, but awesome day…

Got up nice and early and headed to Hornsby station to leave my car. I jumped on a train and found Sammy at Beecroft station and we headed into the city. The Aroma Festival was on in the rocks. It’s apparently for lovers of coffee, chocolate, tea and spice - but all we cared about was the coffee. We started with some turkish coffee, but that was a big mistake. We tried some awesome 100% fair-trade and organic Republica coffee, which was pretty brilliant. But the peak of the day came a few moments later when we had a perfect latte from my friends at Velluto Nero. It’s quite possibly the closest thing to coffee perfection that I’ve tasted, and perhaps will ever taste. I will definitely miss that place with not working in the city anymore. After having some Danes Gourmet Coffee to finish it off, we headed back to Wynyard and back on a train to Hornsby… Just slightly buzzing.

edit: Forgot to add here in the middle that I had lunch at Cathy Bell’s place. Hang time with Thornleigh people was quite fun :) It was a pity that I could only stay for a couple of hours… but it was still a great time. I got in trouble for not including that.

I headed back down to Toonie for band practice. I found out about half an hour before practice was due to start that there was no drummer. It was a bit frustrating to hear… but surprisingly, it didn’t actually get me down too much. I told all the musos straight up, and just suggested that we focus on working each song acoustically, and just really listen to each other. The first run-through was very rough, but once we worked out an order, and then decided how each song would be done, it sounded tops for the final run-through. It was a challenge and a half, and I was definitely feeling exhausted by the end of the service… but it was a great experience. And importantly, it was a great time to sing cool songs to God :)

And then it was dinner time at Hogs Breath! Debbie was visiting, so she came with all of us Toonie people. And it was a really fun night out hanging with those guys. We had some good times reminiscing about old House of Bach days, and all-night LAN parties and Bathurst challenges on the Xbox. Ahh good times :) But then it was time for James to go home and clean his room. It looks good now though!

Monday has gone fairly quickly. I’m loving the fact that I woke up at 7:30 this morning, left the house at 8, and was still early to work. Love it.

wondering if a certain young twittering telstra working man might be interested in a lovely lady friend he is yet to meet
07:43 PM December 24, 2007

Wondering if James likes friendly, fun, musical, primary school teaching, 24 yr old females
10:36 PM December 24, 2007

In answer to the second question: yes. :)

On the 1st January 2008, I met an amazing woman. And I felt amazingly blessed when I realised that she loved me, and that there was something pretty special between us from very early on.

On June 21st, I asked Debbie to marry me. And she said yes :)

The last 5 months and 21 days have been some of the most amazing in my life. Through my relationship with Debbie, I have grown so much closer to God, and started to really learn what it is to rely on God, His strength, and His timing.

And friends, having God at the centre of your relationship is so awesome. It’s one of those things that you realise is just so good that you never want to be so stupid as to do without it.

But about today; here’s the story:

Today was an adventure that was part of Debbie’s birthday present. She didn’t know where we were going, or what we were doing.

We headed up to the Blue Mountains. I took Debbie up to Mt York, just near Mt Victoria. There’s an amazing lookout there that we’d visited before. We had some morning tea there, including cheese and biscuits, and even prawns, and some Maison too. But after sitting outside in the 7 degree temperatures for a little while, we got back in the car to finish our Maison.

We headed down to Blackheath, and out to Perry’s Lookdown, which has some quite amazing views. And Micky did well on the very rough and pothole-filled dirt road out to the lookdown. Then it was lunchtime, and so back into the centre of Blackheath for lunch at an amazing Italian restaurant. We were lucky enough to be the only people in the place for most of the time, and had a table right in front of the open fire. Really awesome food. Definitely on the list of places to go back to.

Then it was afternoon tea time. So off to Leura! We went to Everglades historic gardens. I hadn’t been there before, but it’s quite an amazing place. There was a wedding happening just off to the side in one of the gardens (ironic?), but we headed into the house that is there and had a nice hot chocolate and coffee before going for a wander in the gardens.

After a short walk, we found this small natural pool with a waterfall coming down into it. It was quite amazing and very tranquil. And everything just fell into place, and before I knew it, I had proposed to Debbie, and she’d excitedly said yes :)

It was quite funny… cos we were pretty quick to get out of there, and all excited about calling parents and family, and then messaging all our friends. So our trip back down the mountains felt very quick, because we were on the phone almost the whole way down, and then reading lots of messages too. 

It’s all been quite a blur, but an exciting blur :)

I do love the way God seemingly has conversations with you in multiple parts.

Saturday night, Debbie and I were having a [rather late night] chat about prayer, stages of life, and God saying yes and no in different ways. Last night, b preached a pretty tops sermon indeed. And the cool bit was that what he was saying followed on almost directly from what I had been saying only 18 hours earlier. Very awesome indeed.

And it all followed on beautifully from what Deano had preached on a week ago - on how we should pray in a submissive way, rather than just expect things and ask for things. It’s just really caused me to rethink how I pray, and my view of God in how he listens to us and responds. It’s all been very encouraging.

Last night was a pretty ripper night for music too. I had an absolute ball playing keys with the boys. We played Mighty To Save only for the second time in the service… but by the time we got to it in practice, we were playing very much together, and so it was quite easy to just chat about structure and order, and then just nail it pretty much from the first time through. It was oh-so loud… but that translates to oh-so fun sometimes ;)

And the preacher enjoyed it, so that’s a plus too!

Pretty quiet at work today. Need to start finding more sales opportunities to work on so I don’t get bored. Looking forward to dinner with parentals and Debbie tonight.

Had a pretty awesome night at church tonight. We sang a song that I’ve always loved… its words are so brilliantly written; a great prayer.

You gently pick me up and wash me with your love.
And opening my ears, you speak the word.
You’re healing me, and releasing all the hurts and fears by the hope that you’ve placed within me.

In between each heartbeat, Lord, I surrender.

Everything I am and ever hope to be… I surrender all that to you.

“Look and see: I’ve engraved you on the palms of my hands.”

It’s been a couple of days of training at work. I’m not usually a fan of training at work. Mainly because I’m not given a choice whether or not to go, but I pretty much still have my normal day job to do. So after training, I usually end up spending the next few days working really long days to catch up.

But not only was this training actually valuable - I did the Think On Your Feet training course - but it’s quite clearly a quiet week in the world today. I sent my regular customers an email early on Tuesday morning letting them know what to do instead of emailing me - usually this is almost pointless, cos for some reason they ignore it. But most of them actually listened this time round! So in the end, two days of pretty cool training (and it was even finished by 2:30pm this arvo), half an hour back at my desk doing a little bit of work, and I’ve got no work to catch up on!

The only disappointing thing is that cos I was on training I missed out on hearing John Dickson come and speak in my office!! I was so excited to get an email saying that he was coming to speak on Tuesday (and today he spoke at the Pitt St office). And I was even more excited to walk past the auditorium as I got a lunch break (only as he was finishing up) and see that there was a good 200 people in that auditorium :D

He was there speaking about the facts of Easter, pre-empting his The Christ Files documentary that is on Channel 7 on Friday arvo. I’m really looking forward to that - have a great admiration for him. He’s a very, very educated man and I really enjoy hearing him speak. Should be tops.

Massive shoutout to the long weekend that’s on its way - 4 days working, 4 days off, 4 days working… that’s an awesome combo. 4-day weekend deserves brilliance and wonder showered on it for that. Let alone for the reason that it’s a 4-day weekend - that just makes it the single best time of the year :)

Last night was the first night I led a service at church. Something that had been coming for quite a while…

B had mentioned it to me about 18 months ago, at which time, I wasn’t overly keen on the idea, and conveniently brushed it aside and chose to forget about it. And I thought he’d forgotten about it too. Hehe, I was wrong - he and God are crafty. And last year, God used a few different things to get me thinking about it more and more and even got me to the point where I was keen for it.

I spent a lot of last week thinking about what I would say, and how I would tie songs together, and what “God” things I should say… But then I realised that all that is pretty unimportant - I don’t need to have a speech or mini-sermon rehearsed. In fact I don’t need to say much at all aside from one or two welcome lines. And so I spent a lot of time thinking and praying about band practice and realising that my attention needed to be focused on leading that well. Kinda glad I came to that realisation, cos it was the right one.

And band practice went awesomely smoothly (thanks, God!). We powered through the songs, even worked on a fun transition (that ended up getting dumped at the last minute, but it was still cool teamwork), and still had time in the middle to practice a new song that we’re going to do with the church in a few weeks.

So for my first week leading a service, I ended up feeling very happy with how it went, and looking forward to how God’s going to use me more and more at church with music and services :)

And then it was off to level 4 at Westpoint to get some noodles (or Nandos if you so desired) and just hang out at the seat things in the middle of the piazza area like a cool gang. Yeah, we were cool.

After such a tops Sunday, it was a pity that this morning started off crap. Stupid Epping stupid road was stupid narrowed down to stupid 1 lane. Morris Iemma is a goose. I used to be a bit indifferent towards him… but I am rapidly joining the bandwagon of “get us a new premier, pronto”. Anyway, I reckon because of Epping Rd being narrowed, everyone went down other roads… namely my precious Victoria Rd. So my normal 1 hour drive into the city took 2 hours this morning. Not fun.

And then to hear on the radio that there is an early idea floating around to charge motorists for using main aterial roads during the peak times? Above and beyond the existing tolls?! What a joke! That is honestly the most insane idea that I have heard come from the NSW Government. The main reason that I think it is so insane is that our public transport system is nothing short of pathetic. It’s fine and dandy if you live within 10kms of the CBD. Lucky you. However, anyone outside that radius is subject to private bus companies who don’t operate very reliable or conveient routes, and trains that are constantly over-crowded. (Speaking of which, if I have to use a main arterial road to drive 15 minutes to the nearest train station to catch a train to the city, are you going to charge me a “congestion toll” too?)

Morris is a goose. Rant over.

correction: The “congestion toll” seems to be at the federal govt level rather than state. Which is good news I reckon. K-Rudd will sort it out. He’s a good boy.

It’s lunch time now - I’m sitting here eating some chicken pasta with sun-dried tomatoes in a white wine sauce - and the emails have subsided and I’m feeling dramatically more cheery than I did this morning. Looking forward to heading home shortly though to enjoy an evening of nothingness - just hanging out with Debbie and watching GNW. :)

It’s been quite an interesting couple of days at work.

Yesterday started out as an awesome day, and there was even time for a detour through Hyde Park as I went for a wander to the Pitt St office to help someone out. But by the time I got back to my office about 3 or so, there were quite a few things to do, and then shortly after I began a fight with the sales reporting system because my sales report didn’t match my boss’s. And I needed to find the discrepancies if I wanted to get paid the right amount of sales commission.

So at about 7pm, I left the office feeling very, very drained also having tackled some other things with a friend at the same time as well. I drove home doing a lot of talking to God (actually, I think there was quite a bit of yelling at times too)… and when I arrived home, I did feel more relaxed and feeling a little better. And waking up this morning after an early night and finding a few things resolved at work, and situations with friends resolved too was awesome :)

It’s quite exciting that there’s only two days of the week left already.

Looking forward to already beginning thinking about Kedron (even thought it’s 4 or so months away), and beginning a journey of leading at Church this weekend too. 

Sitting here enjoying a pretty tops start to a Monday. I’m feeling amazingly awake, and have just enjoyed my first coffee since Thursday afternoon. It tasted awesome. 

What a weekend that was. A tops weekend indeed. It was weird at times… weird inside my head anyway. Had myself some little arguments about various things, but it was good to talk them out during the weekend with the people involved… and I slept really well last night being sure of so many things, and feeling incredibly content.

Yesterday was a long one - I was up and down to church to sing in the morning service. I must admit that I was not at all keen and felt quite lethargic. Even as the service got going, I just wasn’t enjoying being there and thinking about everything else that the day held that I could do once church was over (quite childish really). But even though I thought I wasn’t listening, I remembered things about the sermon later on during the day… and it was quite cool really.

After a good catch up and chat while battling monster exhaust fans and evacuation alarms at Seven Hills with b, I headed round to just hang out with Debbie for the afternoon. It was fun times teaching her new things about evil MS Word, doing maths worksheets for her, and then just sitting on the couch watching cricket and V8s while I napped slightly :)

But then it was off to Thornleigh Bapts. I was quite nervous; all these people that I had heard about, but never met; all these people who’d heard a lot about me, and were keen to meet me. No pressure. But it was a tops night. Aside from the clowns sitting in the row behind me, everyone was very welcoming and it made for a great night. Even the clowns behind me were welcoming too I guess. :) The best bit was meeting with God though… the sermon was fantastic, and I was reminded right at the end that I need to be humble in how I act; not attention seeking, or wanting to look good, or wanting to be noticed. It’s something I battle with a lot (mainly cos it’s just who I am), but I slip into complacency sometimes and forget, and let myself run away with being attention seeking and approval seeking.

Sometimes, it’s not all about me ;)

The last song they sang in the service was the best though. I’ve always enjoyed it, and started bopping away to it just singing the words kinda meaninglessly. And then I read them and really sang them, and was just blown away by how relavent they were to me, right now, 54 days into 2008…

And now that You’re near everything is different,
Everything’s so different!
And I know I’m not the same, my life You’ve changed.
And I wanna be with You… I wanna be with You.

Hold me in Your arms and never let me go;
I wanna spend eternity with You.
[now that you're near - hillsong]

I am enjoying quite a nice morning in Woolloomoo in a Toby’s Estate cafe. I came in early to drop my car off at the Holden place around the corner so it could get some recall thingy checked. But it was a good excuse to just sit here, relax a bit… and possibly do some work as the next hour goes by.

I have very much enjoyed praising the awesome things God has been doing in me lately. It has been so amazing - indescribable even - to think back on all that He’s done in me in 2008 so far. God really has changed me and shaped me into the man He wants me to be. Debbie has been a big part of that… and it was so awesome to let her know last night that God has spoken through her, and worked through her more than she’ll possibly ever know.

For the last 6 weeks or so, I’ve battled so many feelings of unworthiness - which I know I am… I definitely don’t deserve anything that God does for me. But just fighting off the feelings of, “I don’t want to do it cos I’m not good enough.” But it is quite awesome to wonder at what else God has lined up for me this year… it has been a massive 6 weeks of the year so far, and I kinda don’t think God’s going to just leave it at that.

I drove home last night from Debbie’s place (possibly just a fraction later than I should’ve), and Mighty To Save came on my iPod. How cool it was to sing it very loudly… a couple of times… on the way home :)

So take me as You find me, all my fears and failures;
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow everything I believe in;
Now I surrender.

And that last line trigged a memory in me of a sermon b preached a few years ago. At the end of it, we received a box that was labelled “A gift of great worth”… and inside was this line:

everything I am, and ever hope to be.

I like that: everything that I already am, and everything that I ever hope to be in my wildest dreams, God has given to me as a gift. How awesome is that. :)

I had an awesome evening tonight; an evening where God confirmed in my heart that he wants to change and shape me a lot this year. And he’s already done so much… I’m excited [and a little scared] about what else he has in store for me.

As tonight’s sermon came to a close, we were asked to choose to make a covenant with God and fully seek him for the year to come. And as I signed my little bookmark and said “yep, God, I’m on board… let’s roll,” the only words that I had in my head were these:

everything I am and ever hope to be… I surrender to You.

They’re some pretty powerful words… but I like them. And I really want them to be true of me as I say them and as they roll around in my head. I feel like I’m at a new point where I just want to reach out and follow God… and it’s like I finally have realised that if I do that, He won’t let me down. I mean… I known that all along, but I only just feel like I can actually really do it now.

It’s a journey; a journey that never ends, really. But right now I’m on a part of that journey where I’m travelling a lot faster and discovering a lot of new places day after day, all in very quick succession. 

Part of me wonders if maybe I’ve grown and done so much in the last 6 weeks that it might calm down and be a bit quieter over the next while. But part of me knows that if I think that, God might just go, “hehe, that’s only the beginning sunshine.” I reckon God’s been enjoying taking me out of my comfort zone and really seeing if I can stand up on my own, and I hope He’s been happy with how I’ve done.

Not that I’m at all complaining about what He’s done in the last 6 weeks. :)

Was looking through old posts and discovered this post from a couple of years ago…

How dare we say we deserve something from God?
Did Jesus deserve to die?

He knows us far better than we know ourselves. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good! We can make our plans, but God determines our steps. [romans 8:28 and proverbs 16:9]

I like.

Feeling incredibly lethargic and lazy today. Still getting quite a bit of work done though. It’s a quiet day at Telstra today apparently - the office is practically empty. Which makes it easier for me to not have to think about being patient and kind to people - all the more difficult when I went to bed quite late last night.

So I have watched the first three Die Hard movies now - they are good. Can’t believe that I missed them up until now. Jen, Howie and Debbie had all built #3 up as being the best of the lot… but I’m still not sure. All three have been pretty fantastic. I’m looking forward to 4 though… that Mac vs. PC guy is in it, and from the 15 minutes I’ve seen of it, the one-liners are awesome.

I was thinking on Sunday morning/arvo over a coffee with b, that my relationship with Debbie beginning has actually changed me hugely. God has used it to change so many things about me this last month… and it’s been quite cool. It’s even more awesome to think that this could only be the start.

I spent a lot of time praising God last night, cos I remembered back to sometime during 2007 when I was thinking about me and relationships and singleness, and being excited that I’d reached a point where all I desired was a woman who had a heart after God, and at the same time, also really finding a point where I was content at waiting on God for this. But I still felt so caught by surprise when everything with Debbie came along. So yes, it was quite awesome to look back and realise that God had given me with what I really, really wanted. How blessed I feel :)

It has been quite a journey. A very short one so far, but a journey none the less.

That’s enough of being distracted from work…

• that there’s a lot of movies I apparently have to watch.
• that God is very much in control of everything and brings things to you how he wants, when he wants.
• Debbie Gower.
• that I can have a decent holiday away from work where I don’t think about customers - but I can’t stop myself thinking about (or buying) mobile phones.
• Die Hard.
• that I can actually be flexible with a program at Kedron.
• the wonder of silence in my car, and just driving along chatting to God, not listening to mindless crap on the radio.

In January, I rediscovered my relationship with God; a closeness that I’ve never felt before. I never want to be that far from God again.

Run to you. I will run, I will run.
I will move right on through all these things I have done.
And you’ll take me back. I don’t know why.
I wanna say I’ll never do it again, but I can’t.
But I will try.

Words struggle to describe how humble and small I feel tonight. Small as in, being in awe of how awesome God is. January has been this amazing month of growth and change for me… amazing is an understatement.

I am right in the middle of feeling the closest to God that I think I’ve ever felt in my life. It is just the best place to be in, and I don’t I ever want to stray away from this again. But though I hardly feel worthy, God blessed me and brought this amazingly wonderful and Godly woman into my life. Her name is Debbie. :)

But what’s insane is that it’s taken me out of my comfort zone so much… and yet, all I can think to do is just reach out to God and be reliant on Him. And I have. And it’s been awesome. And all I could think of to pray tonight was that God would help me to stay close to Him, and that He would help us keep Him at the centre of everything. Cos that’s all I want.

When I can’t feel You, I have learned to reach out just the same.
When I can’t hear You, I know you still hear every word I pray.
And I want You more than I want to live another day.
And as I wait for You, maybe I’m made more faithful.
[Brooke Fraser - Faithful]

Such awesome words that I enjoyed singing on the way home tonight. Although, I guess I should stop suggesting that I’ll marry Brooke one day :)

Oh yeah, and I’ve had a couple of days back at work too. Those days have had their moments in them, but overall haven’t been too foul at all.

What a wondrous few days it has been before heading back to work.

Today was the icing on that cake, as B and I trekked off out to Canowindra to fetch some Splashe. In the end, no other allies could be found for the journey (some chose to sleep in - lazy), and so just B and I headed off at about 8am. We made good time, travelling through Bathurst, and then out through Blayney and down the fun Mandurama-Canowindra road. Splashe was fetched just after midday! And two cold ones for the road.

We headed back through Orange, stopping for lunch at the Mt Canobolas Steakhouse where there was lots and lots of meat… and you can cook it yourself too - don’t know why you would. And then continued heading back down into Sydney, twittering all the way.

Pics are here.

Then tonight I headed round to Jen & Howie’s place for dinner and Die Hard education with Debbie. It was quite a fun night hanging out, and quite fun laughing at the silliness of Die Hard 2. I’ve been told that number 3 is much, much better, and so I am very much looking forward to the third instalment soon :) They fed me some awesome Spaghetti Bolognaise - well, Jenny did - and I brought apple pie and ice cream for dessert, and Debbie brought chocolates for 2nd dessert :)

It successfully helped me forget that I have work tomorrow. :) But I do… and I think I’m ok with that. I’m quite determined to ease myself into work tomorrow and not just jump into everything and stress myself crazy. That’s what I’m praying for anyway.

God is indeed very, very cool. I enjoyed more driving home praying this evening. I feel like I’m at a really new level in my relationship with God - and it’s so, so good. I don’t want to lose it by going back to work. I’ll tell you, things are just too good being this close to God.

I am home from camp and have had a semi-good night’s sleep to try and gain some energy back.

It was a pretty fantastic week… but a very different one to other camps I’ve done. It was hugely more relaxed than I ever could have expected, and that actually challenged me a lot; I like running camps that have clear timetables and run according to time, etc. And yes, I know that makes me sound like a control freak, but I love doing it, and for the younger kids, it means that it is hugely more structured and they don’t muck up as much.

But this camp was all about just going with the flow, and there were so many changes each day - I think only 1 day went according to the program that was prepared. The rest changed on the fly, or things were dropped, or shifted… it was crazy. And it challenged me to think on my feet and to listen to God. We had some awesome moments where God showed us what he wanted us to do through some of the other leaders, by them suggesting that perhaps we don’t do this activity and do this one instead, and on following those through, we had some awesome times with the kids.

I say kids, but these guys were all young adults. Even the couple of 14 and 15 year olds that were there. It was quite awesome to watch them during the week and to see the next bunch of young leaders coming up. God has gifted so many of these kids with leadership qualities at such a young age, and it was very moving at times to hear how passionate they were about using their lives for God.

I am very open as to what will happen next January - whether I’ll be involved again or not. It’s strange - I’m usually very quick to commit to the next camp (and the next camp for this is 12 months away) this early on. But for some reason, this time around I’m just sitting back and am going to let God lead me as to what will happen next January.

Today is washing day, and new tyres day, and then going round to help Dad do some stuff in the backyard.
Then movies tonight :)

Here I am on the verge of something potentially life changing really. And all I can think to do is to look to God and ask Him for the right direction, and for Him to guide me. What a cool thing.

As I sat atop a huge mountain looking at a rather spectacular sunset, I was humbled at how much God had changed me, shaped me, moulded me. He’s made me into a child who has learnt that trying to go off on my own and do things my way just doesn’t work, but that looking to God and seeking His direction and purpose for my life is a great thing.

It has been quite awesome, even in just the first few hours of this camp, to have the chance to impart some knowledge and wisdom on these young adults - mainly things that I’ve learnt the hard way myself by making errors and not following God’s way.

It’s so amazing to marvel at what God has waiting for me in my life - in the weeks, months, and years ahead - if I just look to Him and ask Him, “what’s next?”

heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes to the things unseen
show me how to love like You have loved me

break my heart for what breaks Yours
everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause
as I walk from earth into eternity

Brooke Fraser’s Hosanna kinda felt like our theme song of camp last week. The leaders sang it quite a few times during our chill out times, or when we were praying. And I now just adore it. As we sat down around the piano and sang it as a body, it was just truly intense and amazing. So consequently, I’ve been listening to it a lot since camp. And I do enjoy those lyrics above.

I need to sit myself down tomorrow and self-debrief. I don’t think I’ve ever really properly done that before, but it would be good for me to think about where I went wrong, where I went right, and things that frustrated me, and things that I loved… and talk to God about it all. I guess it’ll help me to not end up feeling too down and missing camp too much this week.

My sister headed home today (after being up here for a few days ahead of me), and my cousin, her husband and her little daughter too. But thankfully not everyone has gone home and left me - my cousin’s 10 year old son is going to stay here with us until Thursday. So that will be plenty of fun, cos him and I will get to hang quite a bit after barely seeing each other the whole time he’s been growing up. We started out be heading out to get ice cream tonight and wander round the marina looking at boats. Fun times :)

Tomorrow is off to buy me a present. :D

I woke up this morning thinking how amazingly wonderful this week has been. I sat down, and opened my study bible (which I hadn’t had out all week so far, just my pocket one), and there bookmarked and highlighted was Micah 6:8 - “He has showed you what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” It was so cool to just have that put in front of me!

And then as our leaders’ meeting happened and things got discussed, I just felt myself becoming so irritated and impatient and tired - it hit me like a wall. On previous camps, the same thing has happened about now… it just all gets a bit much I guess.

edit: [it's funny - I wrote that first paragraph, and then started to write out the second one and just wanted to wallow in the frustrated feelings... but then I re-read my first paragraph and was reminded of how awesome things have been this week... and so...]

But you know what, stuff it - I’m so determined not to let it get me down or stop me from doing God’s work this week. I have some music to play in a few minutes after the kids have finished breakfast, and then I’m going to go spend some time praying and reading, and have me a quick nap before lunch. And then continue to let God use me to do his work here this week!

Camp has been fantastic so far. Great bunch of kids, and despite some of them who didn’t want to sleep last night, they’re behaving quite well! The leadership team is brilliant as well.

This morning was a Tear game - we played the Basti Life simulation game. Essentially “families” compete to make as many paper bags as they can to sell to shopkeepers to earn money to pay rent and buy food. Now these Tear games are fantastic, and teach kids so much… but my goodness they take more preparation than any other activity of the week! The thing is that most of the prep can’t be done until just before the activity. But some racing around during breakfast and during the talk meant that it was ready in time… and thanks to a few other leaders. I just couldn’t believe how much had to get done - I kept thinking of more and more that I needed to do!

In between times though, I managed to get on bass and play some songs for the kids which was awesome… but what was even more fun was just jamming with the boys playing some background music while the kids played a 20 min filler game. I’ll have to try and find another spare 15 mins in the program somewhere to slot in a filler game so we can do more house-banding. ;)

After all the preperation though the game went really well… and I’m just feeling mentally exhausted now after making sure everything was done and trying to make sure the game ran as it should be. But after the game, we took the kids upstairs and I showed them some photos from Tear’s website of what life is like in Chairmanbari - a town in Dhaka, Bangladesh. I also told them a story of a woman in her 50s who’s life is just making paper bags to keep her family alive. The kids listened intently and it was amazing to watch their faces as I told them how this is normal everyday life for so many millions of people.

But here’s the kicker…

I gave all the leaders some discussion questions and the kids headed off to their cabins to talk about how they felt the game was, and discuss the story I’d just told. One of the leaders came back to me during lunch just then and told me of the discussions her cabin of girls had… they were so shocked by how many poor people were in the world, and asked whether they could help by giving their pocket money. She responded by telling them that they could, and they could do it using their parents’ computer when they get home if they like. But the girls quickly responded by saying, “you’ve got a computer here don’t you? Here, we’ve got like $50 from all the girls in our cabin and we want to give it to them now…”

And this coming from a group of eight 10-year-old girls.

It sent shivers down my spine. It just made me so excited to hear that some 10 year olds were so willing to give up their money that they’d brought to camp to buy things with… they’d rather see it go to help Tear do work in countries like Bangladesh. It was amazing!! I’m keen to get something done this week… but I just want to be wise in how I handle their money and don’t want parents being angry at us for “taking” the kids money and giving it to a Christian organisation. I will be praying about that this arvo and talking to some more experienced people here at camp I think.

Now the afternoon activities have begun. They have worked out so brilliantly that I now get myself a rest for a couple of hours, and I am very excited :) Thanks God! Now, if the heat could just disappear a little bit…

Thanks for your prayers. God is so actively at work here - it is amazing. He is amazing.

What a wonderful couple of days it’s been. Even today has actually been pretty tops considering I had to come back at work. I’m starting to struggle now though as the early afternoon kicks in… kinda looking forward to getting outta here and heading home.

Boxing Day was a lot of fun yesterday. We headed round to the Jennings’ place and just hung out for most of the day. We got there mid-morning and didn’t leave until about 11pm :) The day involved watching the cricket, playing Australian Monopoly, eating lots of food, down to the cricket nets, then back home for dinner, Phase 10, more Monopoly… and then eventually home. It was quite a lot of fun, and a great way to spend Boxing Day I think :)

Today hasn’t been so bad… I actually got quite a bit of work done this morning that needed to be done. We’ve just come back from a fairly long lunch down at the pub… but it was really good having about 10 of us around and all free to just go and chat and enjoy each other’s company. I ended up having a great conversation with my boss and another person about Islam and Christianity and the differences between our faiths and beliefs. Actually, I’ve had a lot of these conversations with these guys since I began at Telstra some 3 years ago… and they’ve always been very open conversations - there’s never been any hostility or frustration at the other person for not sharing the same belief.

It’s frustrating from my point of view because they’re very similar people to me - that is, they are so certain and sure of their faith, and no other “religion” can come in and change that sureity. It’s funny though, because that is exactly how I feel - no other belief or God or path to Heaven will stray me from the sureity I have in Christ.

Even though that may be the case, I still enjoy telling them so much about Christianity; about the fact that I’m only perfect through Jesus’ sacrifice and am otherwise never going to be good enough to get to Heaven [which is the thing they stuggle to understand]. And I’m actually really enjoying hearing and learning more about Islam and how it differs, and also how there are a lot of similarities too.

Looking forward to having dinner with my cousin and her little family tonight. Her son is only 14 months old… he’s adorable :) It will be good to see him again!

It has been quite an enjoyable few days. My weekend did indeed turn out great - church on Sunday evening was fantastic and I very much enjoyed being back on the guitar… even if my fingers didn’t very much enjoy the break. I spent the earlier part of the day in Manly doing some organising for Kedron, which went really well too. I just got myself a little sunburnt which was annoying.

Today was work… sort of. I headed in about 9 (in the wonderful lack of traffic) and got some work done that needed to get done. But at about lunchtime the severe lack of motivation got the better of me, and so my boss and I decided to call it a day :) I then came home and promptly napped on the couch for a couple of hours!

Tonight has been hang out time at the House of Bach after a very awesome evening at Church again. We sang some of the best Chirstmas Carols tonight I reckon… and the band played awesomely. I just enjoyed being with my friends and being reminded so clearly of the wonderous, selfless and incredibly loving gift that is Christmas. :D

To look back and think that this baby would one day save me… if only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You’ve touched my life.

And tomorrow I get to spend one of the best days of the year with my family, eating some awesome food and sharing some awesome wine with Dad :) It will be amazing, and I will be enjoying every second of it… because I know that I am a son of the most high God - saved, loved, protected, perfect in His eyes.

I celebrate the day that You were born to die.

B and I had a good time hanging out this evening and sharing some good times of the year gone. But during that, I began to share a bit about Kedron, and how awesome and wonderful that place is, and how much I love serving there. And that, stupidly, got me thinking about things that I still have to do for Kedron and got me worrying myself a bit.

There is quite a bit to do… but now that I’m home and have put it on paper, I don’t think it’s so bad. I just need to get into action and do it. That, and pray about it and trust God with everything :)

And I’ve also completely psyched myself up to step out in a way I really haven’t ever before. It will take a lot of faith to do… but it’s what I should be doing. Perhaps after it’s happened I might share with you. Til then, I will just share with you some cool words from Brooke that I listened to on the way home just now…

I cannot sense you close, though I know You’re always here;
But the comfort of You near is what I long for.

When I can’t feel You, I have learned to reach out just the same.
When I can’t hear You, I know you still hear every word I pray.
And I want You more than I want to live another day,
And as I wait for You maybe I’m made more faithful.
Brooke Fraser - Faithful

Jon Foreman, the lead singer, guitarist and song-writer of Switchfoot, has released a solo EP called Fall. It’s only 6 songs long, but he plans to bring out 3 more in the next 12 months (one for each season).

During my years in Switchfoot I have been fortunate enough to stumble across all sorts of songs as a songwriter - some are perfect for a rock band to play and others are far too intimate. Some need to be played in arenas with electric guitars, some deserve to be played with simply a cello and a bass clarinet.
Jon Foreman - myspace

It has an extremely folky feel to it, and it definitely highlights both his voice and guitar skills. The songs also have an incredibly personal feeling, and he shares much more of his relationship with God than on any other Switchfoot track.

This one song, Equally Skilled stood out to me this morning as I listened to it though - it has some amazing lyrics and it sharply contrasts our impurities and imperfections and horridness with the amazing perfection, love and glory of God…

How miserable I am; I feel like a fruitpicker who arrives after the harvest.
There’s nothing here at all, nothing at all here that could placate my hunger.
The godly people are all gone; there’s not one honest soul left here on the planet.
We’re all murderers and thieves, setting traps here for even our brothers.

And both of our hands are equally skilled at doing evil;
Equally skilled at bribing the judges;
Equally skilled at perverting justice;
Both of our hands.

The day of justice comes, and is even now swiftly arriving.
Don’t trust anyone at all, not your best friend or even your wife;
For the son hates the father; the daughter despises even her mother.
Look! Your enemies are right in the room of your very household.

And both of their hands are equally skilled at doing evil;
Equally skilled at bribing the judges;
Equally skilled at perverting justice;
Both of their hands.

No, don’t gload over me;
For though I fall, though I fall, I will rise again.
Though I sit here in darkness,
The Lord, the Lord alone, He will be my light.

I will be patient as the Lord punishes me for the wrongs I’ve done against Him.
After that He’ll take my case, bringing me to light and to justice for all I have suffered.

And both of His hands are equally skilled at ruining evil;
Equally skilled at judging the judges;
Equally skilled at ministering justice.

Both of His hands are equally skilled at showing me mercy;
Equally skilled at loving the loveless;
Equally skilled at ministering justice;
Both of His hands.

It was interesting writing what I wrote yesterday - I realised today that all of that was a follow on from some cool words that I learnt from God on Sunday… about being a good employer, honouring and respecting your boss, and doing work in a Godly and right way. So that was cool to realise today :)

The afternoon was a bit tough though… I began thinking about our Kedron meeting tomorrow night, and am starting to really fret. I’m feeling so down on my abilities, and getting frustrated with the other people organising it - which isn’t like me at all. I don’t know what’s causing me to be so unsettled about it all. I guess a chunk of it is knowing that no one’s really stepped up to lead activities that I asked them too, and so I’m going to have to start delegating activities… which I really don’t want to do.

Argh - as I write this, I know there’s more bothering me about it all… but I won’t write it here. Instead I will try and let go of it tonight and give it to God and try and not be anxious about it. It’s so incredibly hard though. So hard.

I have this sinking feeling that something’s weighing me down.
I am completely saturated.
The waves are crashing closer; my feet already drowned.
I’m doing the thing I said I hated.

Have your way here.
Keep me afloat because I know I’ll sink without you.
Take this ocean of pain that is mine and throw me a lifeline.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Just thought I should pass on that this is some good stuff. And it’s true as well. Just in case you didn’t know.

My major anxiety was getting a hold of this device to transfer contacts for a customers’ fleet tomorrow morning. The device I used to do half on Tuesday had to go somewhere else, and I didn’t know quite how it was going to work tomorrow morning. And last night I was stressing about it - but I took it to God and, like I wrote last night, just tried to leave it in His hands.

And then this morning I got a brainwave - I called a Telstra Shop in Parra where a friend works, and they more than happily are going to lend me their device for tomorrow morning - I was shocked at how willing they were to help me out! It was awesome.

I smiled for quite a while after that. Smiled at God, cos he is cool.

We’ve been rushing like crazy the last 10 days to get everything organised for this customer, cos they wanted to change all their mobiles over from CDMA to Next G by the end of Novemember. And we wanted to get everything finished by this week to give us a bit of room, and so that next week would just be the actual changeover. And the funny bit after all that is that the customer just called me an hour ago and said that they’d actually like to put off the change over until mid-December!! So all my rushing was slightly in vain.

But I still got to see some coolness from God, which was awesome. And I told them that I’m still coming out there tomorrow to change contacts, regardless of their change of date :)

In less than 90 minutes, the election ads for 2007 will cease. Hooray! But until then, every second ad will be election based until then I think - so I might go to bed in a second.

Today wasn’t the greatest day at all - actually, the morning wasn’t too bad, but the arvo wasn’t overly fantastic as I stressed about some stuff at work. But I finally left that place, and came home to bible study. As I prayed to start the evening off, I prayed that we would have open hearts and listen to what God was saying. At the time, I wasn’t really thinking of myself - I was really praying that for my brothers [not consciously ... it's just what I was thinking at the time]. Anyway, we started looking a chunk in Phillipians, toward the end of the book. And as the evening went on, I realised that God was kinda poking me, and this one bit stood out at me constantly…

“Do not be anxious about anything.”

It’s pretty clear; pretty direct. Can’t really argue or side-step it. And so that really hit me for 6 tonight.

There’s lots of other little bits around that sentence that got to me and made me realise I need to do some work on my life. But that one sentence stood out… especially considering the arvo and evening I’d had at work, worrying about all sorts of stuff. So I spent some time praying quietly to myself this evening, and will spend some more time later on - just asking God to help me not be anxious, and asking Him to help me with the crap at work.

So that was cool. Just wanted to share that with you.

yo, what’s up?

Leaving work now. A post 6pm finish two days in a row. Could be bad… but it’s not. Major difference is that today I’m actually feeling pretty positive.

It could be that the $400k revenue from a single deal that the customer signed this month has finally hit my sales numbers and so they now look awesome (my target is $150k/mth). It could be that I got to hang out with Lyndal while she hung out on our floor today. It could be the awesome mini-cookies I discovered in the Sydney Central Plaza food court and devoured for afternoon tea. It could be that I am now all set for 3 weeks off in January. Or it could be that I had a chance to have a great chat with my boss, share some concerns, and see some genuine care from her.

It’s all of those things. Myeh, still had a lot of work to do this evening - but it was cos I was out of the office, having some great meetings with customers, and doing great at my job. And getting me on the way to some good sales hopefully! :) So I’m ok with that.

Glad that things turned around. Cheers for that, God.

Tomorrow is hang out evening with Kate to get the all-important music set up for her 21st. Yay for me - I get to hang out with her on her actual 21st! Woo! Right now, it’s time to race home and hang with the bible study boys… albeit just a fraction late.

Sitting in the house of bach lounge room watching a replay of Nascar racing for the weekend. I’m sitting here quite happily… cos God is awesome. We had a fantastic meeting this evening in preparation for the Primary camp at Kedron in January. I’m very quickly losing track of all the very obvious awesome things God has done for this camp already… and there’s still 2 months until the camp actually begins!

So fantastic :)

But I am tired… so that will have to be all for now.

In amongst all my whinging about work not letting me have time off in January (which I need to remember is with God, and just to be patient)… It is important to be very joyous in the two below points:

• We now have enough guy leaders. We went from about 2 or 3 confirmed, to having enough guys in about 3 weeks! So fantastic.
• And secondly, we have houseparents now, but we’ve had a phone call from a couple wanting to be houseparents. Essentially, reminding us that when you’re patient and wait upon God, he will be faithful.

God is super.

I had been looking forward to heading up to Kedron all week. And it was a brilliant evening of hanging out with some very cool people. God was very gracious and let me share my testimony that I’d prepared. But that wasn’t before heading up the mountain in the dark with 60 odd teenagers. That was quite fun, despite the amplified humidity.

It was a little bit cloudy, so you couldn’t see many stars… but sitting on top of a huge mountain, surrounded by many flashes of lightning was pretty awesome. We sang some songs, and myself and another guy shared some moments of how God has been working in our lives. This is a little bit of what I shared…

When you’re a Christian, and you have committed your life to God, you have Him on your side, on your team. It’s a very cool thing. It’s a very reassuring thing too I think.

This is the kinda person you have on your team… this is from Isaiah chapter 40:

Who else has held the oceans in his hand?
Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers?
Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?

Look up into the night sky.
Who created all those stars?
He brings them out every night like an army, one after another, calling each by its name.
Because of God’s great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.

How powerful and amazing is that? When I think about that and look at all the stars above us, I can’t help but be filled with just sheer awe.

Wrap your heard around this:

The sun is our closest star right? That’s about 148 million kilometres away.
One of the next closest stars to earth is Alpha Centauri A. That’s about 40 trillion kilometres away. That distance is the same as nearly 1 billion laps of the earth.

Look up to the sky again. I don’t know where Alpha Centauri A is… but that’s the closest star. Check out how many are up there, and they’re all further away than 40 trillion kilometres.

These are the sorts of numbers that we struggle to get our head around. One billion laps of the earth… That’s just crazy.

And God just reaches out and measures them off with a handspan. That’s how big God is. That’s how amazing God is.

For me to sit here and try and understand all that, and then know that that’s the same God who knows every thought in my head, every little thing that makes me happy, that makes me sad, that frustrates me, every little annoyance at work… I mean, that’s pretty humbling isn’t it? For me, that just makes me want to fall to my knees. Cos He’s said that He loves me.

And He’s said that loves you too. And He always will.

That Isaiah verse had been floating around in my head… and I thought it would be cool to talk about it atop that awesome mountain looking at the stars. Pity we couldn’t see them cos of the clouds :)

Just as we were getting ready to start walking back down, it started absolutely pouring with rain! It was a little bit cold, but we walked back down in the rain and wind, still having a great time.

Now I’m looking forward to hanging out with all the Kedron leaders from July on Saturday night! We will be having a great time :)

It’s incredibly late.

But I’ve been sitting up writing what started out as a testimony, but what seems to have turned into a short talk. I’m heading up to Kedron on Thursday evening to visit, and Mark Penna mentioned that he might like me to share a testimony. Now knowing other times that I’ve visited camps Mark’s run, the “might” goes out the window and it’s almost definite.

So since Saturday morning, I’ve been putting some thought into what I wanted to say. The awesome bit is that we’re walking to the top of the mountain beside Kedron at dusk… and we’ll be hanging out on top of the mountain for a while, which is where I’ll probably get to share. I’ll tell you, that’s a pretty cool place to be to do some talking about God - his awesomeness is so clear from up there. Even at night.

Tonight as I started to write some stuff down, it began to turn into more of a short talk - still fairly focused on the things I have learnt from God, but also talking about his majesty and power. I kinda got kick started with Isaiah 40… you know the bit that goes, “Who has measured off the heavens with His fingers?” Just thinking about that, and then looking up to the stars… it’s pretty flooring, that’s for sure.

So I will pray about it tomorrow night and do a bit of editing. I hope I’m listening to God right… and I hope it’s what he wants me to share.

It’s quite exciting. I’m hanging out to get there now. I love that place.